


Harsher and Kinder Both

by idyll



Category: Firefly, Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fusion, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-09-05
Updated: 2008-01-11
Packaged: 2017-10-07 10:20:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,329
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/64188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idyll/pseuds/idyll
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ronon on <i>Serenity</i>.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Simon's doing inventory in the infirmary when Mal's voice comes through the intercom, sudden and loud and the kind of angry that only Simon and River seem to bring out in him.

"Doctor, kindly report to the bridge to talk some sense into your gorram crazy sister--"

"Not any crazier than _you_." That's River, faint and in the background, but obviously taunting.

"--or drug her up until I can figure out what she did to my ship!"

Simon bangs his head against a cabinet. Behind him, Jayne--who's been shot once again and is confined to the infirmary until the anesthetic wears off--makes an irritated noise. "Them two need to rut and get it out their system."

Simon pretends he doesn't hear.

*

The next day they land on a nameless planet far outside of the core. This happens because Simon refused to drug River, and also because Mal clearly had no idea how to deprogram the lock that River put on the navigational controls.

The ramp lowers, revealing a dusty backwater that is sparsely populated but is a way station for the criminal underground. Earlier, Simon watched Jayne, still limping from his latest bullet wound, strap no less than five guns and six knives to his person.

Mal glares outside and sets one hand on his weapon. "Little girl, there best be a damn good reason we're here. This place has a habit of gettin' people killed but good."

River doesn't look away from the landscape that starts at the end of the ramp. "Don't call me that," she says, her delivery flat and absent. "And we'll be fine, as long as we get to him. He needs Simon."

Simon starts. "River--"

But River is moving, fast and light on her feet, with a deadly watchfulness apparent in her expression. Simon, Mal and Jayne scramble after her--the latter two with grumbled curses--while Kaylee and Zoe lock up behind them, armed and on guard.

*

It takes two hours on foot, in a circuitous route that would have taken only forty minutes directly, before River slows down. They're in the middle of a small growth of trees that seems to be a failed attempt at a woodland. Simon crashes through the brush behind the others, loud and clumsy and a startling contrast to River's silent movements.

Their first sight of the "him" that River referred to is when a fist comes seemingly out of nowhere, aimed right for River's head. Everyone else jumps, but River just dips to the side and then reaches up to block the next punch.

When she draws the man out from behind a tree, Simon is slightly alarmed at the sheer size of him; he's taller and more muscular than both Jayne and Mal. Despite his height and mass, he moves just as quickly as River does, and watching them fight is dizzying for the speed, but still somehow elegant and graceful.

Simon starts forward but Mal hauls him back. "Don't be an idiot."

Jayne pulls out that huge gun of his, the one he's named Vera, but River spins and kicks it from his hand at the same time that she reaches back and deftly disarms the giant of the weapon he pulled in response to Vera. "No guns!" she snaps.

The giant growls and tries to tackle her. River looks impatient as she dips under his outstretched hands and trips him to the ground. She straddles his chest, leans down until they're nose to nose, and whispers, "Eto kuram na smekh!"

The giant falls instantly unconscious.

*

River has Simon cut the giant's shirt from his body, then makes Mal and Jayne lift him up and brace him against her. She's basically presented Simon with this man's back, which is scarred oddly at his shoulder.

Simon stares at her, confused. "River, what...?"

Her gaze flickers to Mal briefly. "Alliance tracker with an intermittent signal. Implanted under the muscle. You need to remove it before it activates again." Her voice is urgent and knowing in that way they've all begun trusting without question. "Hurry. We have twelve minutes until it begins transmitting."

Simon immediately opens the medical bag she forced into his hand before they left _Serenity_ and starts removing what he'll need. He notices that his bag is better and more specifically stocked than usual; River's doing, no doubt.

Jayne disappears from Simon's line of sight, most likely on high alert at the mention of the Alliance. There are still scattered pockets intact, still men of fanaticism and zeal who cannot and will not let go, and they are proving to be more difficult to deal with than the actual Alliance was.

Mal's entire _face_ seems to be clenched. "Damn it, girl, you and me are gonna have--"

"Bi zuie."

Simon looks up at her in surprise. River is rarely rude on purpose. "_River_!"

The man in her arms groans and stirs. She ignores Simon in favor of hushing him. "I know. It's okay, we'll make you safe. Promise. I've been where you came from."

Simon watches the broad back in front of him relax. River hums quietly and speaks to Simon with her head still lowered over the man's. "His name is Ronon Dex, and he's one of mine." She looks up at Mal with a challenge. "And now one of yours." Her gaze moves to Simon, and she seems entirely unaware of Mal's snarled denials. "But he's yours most of all, Simon. Harsher and kinder both."

*

While Simon was waiting for Kaylee--or even while was she waiting for him; the time maybe overlapped a bit--there was Jayne. This was apparently shocking to everyone on Serenity, but it wouldn't have been a surprise to anyone who knew Simon in MedAcad because he's always had a very certain type of man.

He and Jayne lasted only briefly, though. Despite how much Simon loved the calluses on his hands, the way his body eclipsed Simon's own, and the rasp of stubble and coarse hair, Jayne was..._too_. Too hard, too mean, too purposefully ignorant.

Later, it turned out that Kaylee, much to Simon's heartbreak, was a little _too_ in the other direction.

*

River and Ronon both growl "No" when Simon reaches for the anesthetic.

Simon considers arguing but River has already returned her attention to Ronon. He looks at Mal, who has moved from angry to seething, and gets a mean nod in response. Simon rolls his eyes and reaches for a scalpel.

"Without knowing for sure--"

"I know where it is." River repositions herself and touches the nail of a finger to a spot just to the east of much of the scarred skin. "Make the incision here."

River walks him through cutting into Ronon, speaking loudly enough to be heard over the raw screams that Ronon tries to muffle against her shoulder. When it's done, she turns her attention entirely on Ronon while Simon digs with a small pair of clamps for the tracker.

When Simon gets it clamped he looks up and nods at River. She takes a breath, murmurs something to Ronon, and then the two of them whisper in tandem: _Wo xiang mei er, mei xin, bian shitou._

Ronon passes out when Simon pulls the tracker free. River turns her head to the side and vomits.

*

Simon stays in the infirmary with his patient, even after said patient wakes like a force of nature and tears half of the infirmary apart before remembering he's not among enemies. Simon helps him sit on the exam table, checks his stitches, and sighs when he sees that several have been pulled.

"I'm Doctor Tam, and--"

"Simon," River says from the doorway. "He's Simon, I'm River, and you're Ronon."

Ronon looks at River for a long moment, then to Simon. "You took it out?" Simon nods. Ronon slumps so much in relief that he almost slides off the table. Simon catches him and pushes him back into place. Ronon leans hard on Simon, body curved in such a way that it blocks the entire exam light from view. His hair, twisted into knotted locks, scrapes against Simon's temple.

Simon's cheeks flush and when he braces a hand on Ronon's thigh to move away, his breath catches at the way Ronon pushes into the touch.

*

When they get to Sateda, via a course plotted out by River which was unnervingly direct for her, there's nothing left but one of the flags that represent the last of the Alliance.

River takes them down close enough that they can see the destruction of the planet through the windows. "What happened?" Ronon asks.

"Alliance," Mal growls. "Zealot hangers-on that's left of them."

Ronon looks at him. "You fight them?"

Mal nods. "Always."

Ronon looks at Simon. "And I'm safe here?"

Simon isn't sure why Ronon asks him and not Mal or even River, but he answers readily. "Always."

Ronon seems to believe him.

*

The odd thing isn't that Ronon wants to stay; it was obvious he wanted to be in with those fighting the last of the Alliance. It isn't even odd that Mal said yes; Ronon gathered a lot of information and intel during his seven years running across the 'verse from the Alliance.

No, what's odd is just how well Ronon fits in. Even with Wash and Book gone--maybe especially--there isn't an opening on _Serenity_ for someone to slide into. Ronon finds one that seems to have been fitted to him, though, and Simon sometimes watches curiously as he plans with Mal and Zoe, talks weapons with Jayne or spars with River.

When Simon spots him in Inara's old shuttle with Zoe, sitting on the floor in front of her while she twists at his hair, he thinks that maybe Ronon didn't find that space so much as cut it to fit him.

Kaylee agrees. She sits by Simon in the common area one night and follows his gaze to where Ronon is sitting at the table with Jayne, sharpening knives. "He reaches the high stuff for me in the engine room. Spent five hours with me yesterday and didn't complain not once."

*

Two months after Ronon arrives on _Serenity_ he comes to the infirmary and backs Simon against a counter. "You watch me."

Simon's heart is beating fast with anticipation and uncertainty, not fear, because Ronon's made sure they all know that he will use his large, strong hands for and never against them. Simon perhaps finds this one of the sexiest things about Ronon on a veritable list of them.

Simon licks his lips and nods. "I watch, yes."

Ronon leans in and presses his forehead to Simon's. His hands come to Simon's hips, a strong hold that's maybe more about Ronon bracing himself than about gripping tightly. Still, it pushes Simon against the edge of the counter, which digs into the small of his back. "I'm not ready yet," Ronon admits.

"It's okay." Simon touches the back of his neck, urges his head down just a little more, and brushes their lips together. "There isn't a time limit."

*

Even when Simon thinks about it after the fact, there's nothing that stands out. The day is ordinary. For them, at least. Zoe takes a bullet on a job, a ricochet that clips a bone in her arm, and Jayne carries her back to the ship. Mal and Ronon finish the job successfully and River gets them safely to the drop point.

Kaylee makes dinner with herbs that River picked in a wild field two planets back, even though protein cubes are still protein cubes, no matter the spices.

So, no, there's no warning to be seen, just Ronon waiting in Simon's bunk, naked and dozing lightly, at the end of the night.

Simon says, "Oh."

Ronon holds out a hand and says, "Come on."

*

Ronon's hands are callused from fingertip to wrist, and his body over Simon's is like a solar eclipse seen planet-side, but his mouth is soft and sweet against Simon's own, his thrusts are careful and easy, and when he comes he is openly shaken by it.

Simon comes just from seeing that expression on Ronon's face, and when Ronon stays hard even after his orgasm--a testament to the years of celibacy--Simon urges him onto his back and rides him, tries to give Ronon as much as he can in exchange for what Ronon's just given him.

*

River brings them tea in the middle of the night, right after they pull on enough clothing to be presentable and are about to go in search of exactly that.

She sits cross-legged on one end of Simon's bed. Simon claims the other, and Ronon sits on the floor next to him.

When they're done drinking, River gathers their cups and peers into the remains. "Back on Earth-That-Was, they read portents in tea leaves."

"What do ours say, mei-mei?" Ronon asks.

River smiles, secret and private, and dumps Ronon's leaves in with Simon's. "They say take care of each other, or I'll be very, very angry." She kisses them both on the cheek and takes her leave, her cup cradled in her hand.

*

.End


	2. Harsher and Kinder Both

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ronon hears about other Satedan survivors.

On Persephone they hear the rumors about a small group of Satedans on a planet in the outer rim. Simon settles his recent medical purchases into the mule and doesn't look at either Mal or Ronon. Jayne, on the other hand, tries to lay odds with Zoe about who will win the inevitable battle of wills between the two.

When they get back to _Serenity_ Ronon stares at Mal, arms crossed over his chest, and doesn't say a word. In the last few years Ronon has followed Mal almost without question, has been a good and loyal soldier even when he thought Mal's plans were not at all viable. Given how rare that is on this ship, even Simon knows that Mal owes Ronon something in return.

After a long silence Mal finally thins his lip and gives in ungraciously. He points a finger at Ronon and narrows his eyes. "Volunteers only. Anything happens, it's on you, _dong ma_?"

*

River refuses to navigate a course.

It's Simon's second clue that he will not like the outcome of whatever reunion takes place.

The first, of course, is that there will actually _be_ a reunion: Simon is not a fool--at least, not any longer--and he knows just how desperately Ronon misses what he's lost.

*

A dissonance develops between Simon and Ronon during the trip to the outer rim. Even when they didn't know one another well they were never so far apart and uncomfortable as this. Simon doesn't think that Ronon can see beyond his happy anticipation to notice it, but it's almost suffocating Simon.

He takes to spending more time with River. Now that she has control over her mind and her gifts, River generally keeps her own counsel about what she knows unless asked. Even then, she often refuses to answer.

Simon doesn't ask; he never does. He dislikes like treating River as a tool rather than as his sister. In return, she neither mentions nor even subtly refers to what has taken Simon from Ronon's company.

*

When Ronon and the others come back to the ship after heading out to find Ronon's people, Ronon has a new tattoo and a trio of Satedans with him. Simon takes a page from River's book and doesn't voice any doubts about the job that Tyre, Rakai, and Ara want the crew to help with.

Jayne and Zoe, however, speak out against both the plan and Ronon's possibly misplaced loyalty to people he hasn't seen in ten years. Mal watches and listens, brow furrowed and nostrils flared. Eventually he gives the go ahead.

*

That night Simon enters their bunk to find Ronon's belongings packed neatly in satchels. Ronon comes down shortly thereafter.

"You'd go back to Osiris if you could." Ronon's voice carries no uncertainty or doubt. There are traces of regret, but they're faint and Simon isn't sure if he's imagining them or not. "You'd bring River _home_ to your family, your people."

Simon doesn't say anything as he leaves the bunk.

*

The morning of the mission Simon retreats to the infirmary and begins a very thorough and unnecessary inventory of supplies. River is assisting him, which consists of her sitting on the bed along the wall, her legs swinging, as she calls out random numbers to distract him and throw off his counts.

Not long before the others are supposed to leave, Ronon comes by. He stands in the doorway, unsure and young-looking. "You can come with me. You and River."

Simon looks at Ronon, then turns to River and holds her clear-eyed gaze before saying, very clearly, "This is our home."

River smiles, bright and wide, and when Simon looks away Ronon is gone.

*

Simon sits in the bridge with River during the mission itself. Simon's chest is tight and pained, but he swallows down as much of the emotion as he can.

River moves behind him and leans down to press her face to the top of his head. She doesn't say anything but Simon understands the comfort and reassurance in he gesture.

"I just wish..."

River reaches around and puts a hand on Simon's chest. "This is where we belong. Not on Osiris, not with others. Here. We didn't know it at first, but we do now."

"Yes." Simon places his hand over hers and squeezes it lightly. "We do."

The only one who is surprised that Tyre, Rakai, and Ara were conspiring with the Alliance is Ronon. Simon doesn't think that the others expected it, but they are all jaded and suspicious enough--and lack the history with the trio that Ronon has--that the betrayal is not something they'd thought to be inconceivable.

Inara comes to Simon in the common area and sits across from him. "I thought you should know that Ronon has taken his belongings your old visitor's quarters."

Simon closes the book he's been pretending to read and sighs. "I see."

"Ronon's loss is on a scale that only a few people can comprehend," Inara says delicately. "It's only natural--"

"I know."

Inara studies him shrewdly, then nods and rises to her feet with painstakingly learned but seemingly effortless fluidity.

*

Simon would like to hold on to his anger and hurt, to cling to it righteously, but it's impossible to do so. There was a time when Simon would have taken River and left _Serenity_\--and everyone on her--without a backward glance or second thought. And for a chance to return to their old lives, Simon might have done almost anything.

He understands too well how hard it is to accept that what's gone is well and truly gone and can never be regained.

*

When Simon goes to the small room he first used on _Serenity_, he finds River standing nearby. "He didn't know," she says.

"Let's hope he does now."

Inside, Ronon is sitting on the bunk, shoulders slumped. He looks up when Simon enters and neither of them speaks right away.

Eventually, Ronon says, "When I was with Tyre and the others, it was like being back home, like nothing had happened. It was good."

Simon nods. "I imagine it would be, yes."

"But it did happen." Ronon looks around the small, cramped room and his unpacked bags. "I don't know what to do now."

Simon moves closer, until Ronon has to lean back to meet his eyes.

"_Serenity_ might not be a planet and we're a rather...unusual group of individuals," Simon says slowly, "but this _is_ a home and we _are_ a people and a family." Ronon reaches out hesitantly and folds his hands around the jut of Simon's hips. Simon leans into the hold. "It can be yours, too. If you want it."

Ronon pulls Simon in closer, presses his face to his abdomen, and nods. "Yes."

**Author's Note:**

> Translations:
> 
> Wo xiang mei er, mei xin, bian shitou - I will close my ears and my heart and I will be a stone
> 
> Bi zuie - Shut up.
> 
> Eto kuram na smekh - _That's ridiculous._ I believe this is Russian. I know for sure that it's a Cyrillic language. This is the same phrase that Simon used on River in _Serenity_.


End file.
